This thing called love
by tinjhi10
Summary: Up until the last minute, all he could do was hurt Fuji. Tezuka never knew the word regret until he lost everything.


**Hi guys! After a long time, I'm finally back! Although not with a continuation for my other stories… =.= I do apologize… there had been so many things that had happened the last few weeks, we just finished the school festival, then I went for a seminar in Manila, then there was an event for economics (which is my major in the university), then the sudden typhoon!! Waaah~ my life was such a mess! Hahaha.. but good things it's all over now… I finally have some free time.. *sobs***

**Anyways.., this is actually my first attempt in writing a tragedy genre.. TT___TT **

**I don't know if it's good or not… but I hope you will like it…**

**I don't even know why I wrote this.. it just suddenly popped out!**

**I was so inspired with Tegoshi, Shige and Ryo chan's (From a boy group NEWS jpop, I just really love them… kyaaaaahhh.. *fan girling* .) song entitled: AI NANTE, which means this thing called love.**

**I just love NEWS!! They are so great!!!!! **

**Well, enough with my nonsense.. I really hope you'd like it.. reviews are highly appreciated..! ^____^ waaah~ I miss writing..!!**

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Just how far have I walked?  
If I looked back behind me, I'll find a trail of tears.  
I was wounded, and hurt other in return.  
And now I've finally reached the place where you hid.

Tezuka stared up at the looming sky above him.

_How long had he been there?_

He couldn't remember.

He had been walking since morning, not knowing or even caring where his feet would lead him. All he wanted to do was walk and be alone.

He wanted to walk to keep his mind off things but it seems to have the opposite effect on him. Whenever he stops or looks back, an image appears before him and he could feel his heart clench in pain.

But he knew he would get tired of walking, no matter how athletic he was he needed to stop and have a break, so he settled for the park.

So here he was now, sitting on a park bench and gazing at the sky and his mind wandering.

It was a cold winter day, just like this, he could clearly remember.

_Why?_

_Why had he left him?_

_If he had only stayed with him._

Tezuka felt the tears rush to his eyes as he tried his best not to let them fall.

Yes, exactly five years ago. It had already been five years.

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* * *

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This thing called love  
it's only you, you demand too much, and I don't have it all...

This thing called love  
if you're not there there's no meaning to life!

Do you truly love me with all your heart?  
Even now, I feel insecure yeah...

within my dreams, I saw your face and you were crying desperately

"Stop being unreasonable Syusuke!" Tezuka said annoyed.

"I'm not being unreasonable Kunimitsu, why else would I act this way if I know nothing's going on between you and Echizen?" Fuji nearly shouted in anger.

"Are you accusing me of having an affair?" Tezuka asked irritably. Although he did feel a bit guilty since Fuji was right in his accusations.

But he didn't want to leave Fuji, he merely wanted to try out new things, he knew he was wrong but he really wasn't in the mood for this. He had too many things to do and Fuji nagging him was no help either.

"I'm not accusing you Kunimitsu, I'm saying the truth!" Fuji replied heatedly as the tears started to swell up his eyes.

"Ok, I admit, we've been seeing each other! Is that what you wanted to hear? Yes, I admit, do you think I feel good about it? God Fuji, you can be such a pain sometimes!" Tezuka shouted angrily.

It was the first time he had ever rose his voice in front of Fuji and seeing Fuji's heartbroken expression made it all worst.

The two of them quieted down, and then the next thing Tezuka heard was Fuji's soft sobs that soon turned out to rapid gasps as the tensai fell to his knees.

"Why? How could you do this to me? How could you Kunimitsu?" Fuji cried out in despair.

Tezuka felt heavy stab on his heart as he watched his lover break in front of him. He didn't want this to happen but it somehow ended up this way.

"I don't know Syusuke, one day I just woke up naked beside him and I couldn't stop since then" Tezuka replied honestly. He knew lying wouldn't change anything.

Fuji cried harder as he listened to Tezuka, his whole world shattering with every word that comes out from the bespectacled boy's mouth.

"So you're saying I wasn't good enough for you?" Fuji asked angrily.

Tezuka let out a groan of annoyance.

Why did it have to go this way?

_Damn he wasn't in the mood for this!_

"I never said that Syusuke, just stop this for now ok? I don't want to talk about this now, let's talk about it some other time! I'm just sick and tired of all this drama" Tezuka said as he grabbed his jacket and keys, he was almost at the door as he took another glance at Fuji.

Tezuka's eyes widened as he saw the trembling bitter smile that Fuji gave him.

"How can you be so cruel…?"

Tezuka felt the urge to run to Fuji's side and hug him tightly, apologize and love him. But his pride didn't let him, instead he turned his back and proceeded to leave their apartment.

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* * *

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Please stop crying;  
I won't let you go,  
you are the one and nothing matters more.  
This thing called future,  
if you aren't there then I can't see it.  
It's unnecessary.

Tezuka let out a long sigh as he recalled that day.

How he wished he could turn back time and do things he was supposed to do.

How we wished he had let go of his pride and stayed at Fuji's side.

Tezuka felt the tears fall from his eyes continuously at his last thoughts.

Yes, it was solely his fault that he had lost Fuji.

If only he had cared more for him.

If only he hadn't taken him for granted.

"Kunimitsu!"

"Just drop it Fuji! I don't want to talk about it right now!" Tezuka yelled not bothering to look at his lover. He hurriedly went out of the apartment but Fuji followed him outside.

They were in the streets now and it was cold.

Tezuka sighed heavily. "I'm sorry Fuji, I just don't want to hurt you more than I already have so please, just give me some time on my own, I need to sort things out"

Tezuka stopped abruptly forgetting that he was in the middle of road as he looked back at Fuji. Too distraught with his thoughts he didn't notice the car that was rushing in his direction until Fuji screamed his name.

The next thing he knew he was on the side pavement panting heavily, his limbs had all gone numb from the sudden shock.

Fuji!

_The morning rays of sunlight  
Shone upon your sleeping face and I smiled, embarrassed  
because we were happy then  
I wish that the love I felt during those days  
would continue on till... forever_

Tezuka looked up at the street and saw Fuji lying on the cold cement road bleeding.

Tezuka rushed up to his lover's side and pulled Fuji into a tight embrace, he couldn't hold back his tears at the sight of his lover.

The people who had witnessed the accident had called for an ambulance immediately.

"S-Syusuke…" he stuttered. Fuji looked up weakly at Tezuka "K-K… mitsu…" he manage to choke out as a stab of pain overwhelmed him and he hissed in pain.

"Ssshh... don't talk Syusuke, save your strength" Tezuka pleaded as he continued crying. Fuji brushed away Tezuka's tears softly.

Tezuka only cried harder at Fuji's gentleness and held him tighter.

At that moment he realized how much of a jerk he had been. Had he not promised before to make Fuji as happy as he could? So why did he ended up hurting him?

How could he have done and said all those terrible things to him?

"Why did you save me? You should've just let me get hit instead" Tezuka sobbed. Fuji smiled weakly at him then he gazed up at the dark sky.

"I should've done that, after all the terrible things you did to me… but my body suddenly moved on its own…"

Tezuka felt his heart twitch at the answer. Even until now, Fuji had done nothing but love and care for him.

Fuji reached out a hand to cup Tezuka's cheek "It's no use Kunimitsu, no matter how much you wish to go back to the past and redo your faults it would never happen…"

"Ssshh... please, don't talk that way Syusuke, it's as if you're bidding me farewell…" Tezuka said.

_This thing called love  
it is only you,  
you demand too much and I don't have it all!  
A long way down with you  
This thing called love _

_if you're not there then there's no meaning to life.  
No matter how much I love you, it seems like it's never enough_

Fuji was about to say something when he heard the ambulance.

Tezuka looked up to the streets and to his relief he did here the siren of the ambulance.

"There, the ambulance is almost here, you have to be strong Syusuke! You have to live on.., there are still a lot of things I have to say and I also have to apologize for everything, I have to make things up to you" Tezuka said.

Fuji could feel the hot tears fall on his face, but they weren't his. It was Tezuka's.

He gathered every strength he had left as he gave Tezuka another soft smile. "I'm sorry Kunimitsu… I'm also human… I have my weaknesses as well…" Fuji muttered as the tears also fell from his eyes.

"And I'm so tired Kunimitsu… I'm so tired… I don't think I can take it anymore… it hurts… the pain you've caused me is too much…" Fuji cried.

Tezuka cried harder as well as he accepted his own foolishness, Fuji had every right to hate him. After all he had done.

"But I want you to know that I loved you… I really loved you so please… I want you to live on…" Fuji smiled once more before closing his eyes.

The moment Fuji had closed his eyes Tezuka had let out a scream of anguish. His whole body was shaking and his heart was breaking. His whole world shattered right in front of him as the love of his life died right in his arms.

The snow started to fall silently, although the people around them were making a fuss, Tezuka couldn't seem to hear a word. All he could see and hear was Fuji.

Tezuka cried as he had never cried before, he poured out all his pain and regret but no matter how much he wished Fuji would never wake up again, he wouldn't greet Tezuka in morning anymore, he wouldn't welcome him home with a kiss, he would never see that smile anymore.

And it was all his fault why he had lost everything.

* * *

Tezuka took off his glasses as he wiped his eyes. If only he had been a good boyfriend to Fuji then they would've been here together, then he wouldn't be alone and cold.

How could he let things end up that way?

Why had he been so stupid?

How did it end up this way?

The wind blew softly caressing Tezuka with its coldness.

"Ne Syusuke, you're cruel as well…" he muttered softly staring at the sky.

_How could you let me live in a future where there is no you…_

_This thing called future  
if you aren't there then I can't see it..._

_Never ending…_

**Waaaah~ I killed Fuji!!! *cries* I'm so sorry!!!! But it had to end that way… TT____TT**

**Well, how was it? do tell me, coz I suck at tragedy and angst stuff… hahahaha.. I just wanted to try it and perhaps improve a bit…**

**I'll be updating captive and make you mine so don't worry nya~**

**This is dedicated to all TeFu fans out there and to our troop!**

**I miss you guys so much!!**

***hugs***

**Tinjhi10**


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